Effort versus Smarts
“I’m tired of not going to karate class”, wailed Darling Angel this evening on the way home. Did I hear right?
“You don’t want to go”, I asked as I turned down the music volume so I could hear her better.
“No mommy! I’m tired of NOT going to karate class”.
The last class was barely a week ago, one where she pouted her lips and refused to participate in the circuit – sommersault, punch, kick cycle. She does like to show off her karate uniform but she’s never been impatient for a class. In fact, I was close to deciding that karate was just not her thing, that she’s only learning to tolerate it and we would only stick it out until we had exhausted the classes we paid for. So what’s happening?
Last week she couldn’t sommersault. And now she can.
But that does illustrate an issue we need to overcome. Rather than pout and shake her head vigorously, she should just step up and give it a try.
To her credit, she did give it a try in the safety of home. In private. I can understand the desire to practice in private and avoid making a fool of yourself. Now that she’s mastered the art of sommersaulting, she can’t wait to show it off.
But how do I teach my daughter how to step up and take on unfamiliar challenges rather than retreating? Last night I read an article on the Cultivate Greatness blog that provides an answer. It claims, based on a study done at the New York public school system, that children who are praised for their intelligence may be unwilling to take on challenges, unwilling to step out of their comfort zone and afraid of proving those that believe in their intelligence wrong. Children who are praised for their effort on the other hand, rise up to challenges and are thus more likely to succeed than than those praised for intelligence.
Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.
My kid is smart and I’ve told her numerous times. Her dad has done the same. Now, I can’t help worrying. Have we done too much intelligence-praising? Have we praised her enough for making an effort or do we simply tell her she’s smart?
I’m glad I came across the article and I will apply its concept, I will from now on, place more emphasis on effort versus intelligence. The article is based on research, but even without looking at that, the logic of it makes perfect sense. I can identify with it, as one who refused to participate in debates or competitions when I was primary school because I had a ‘reputation’ to preserve. I passed up many opportunities to improve myself and grow but fortunately, there were many others that were forced upon me, thus saving me from the pit of underperformance.
