Womze - Cross Cultural Parenting

As I drove home earlier this week, feeling drained after a really long meeting at work, I decided that we would have to skip swimming that night.  I just felt like enough is enough with all the running around, running late and we would just kick back and relax tonight.  My daughter was disappointed since this is her best activity (and I’m hoping that quickly translates into her picking up the skills we’re in class for).  But at the end of the day, I felt like my decision was definitely worth it.

After dinner and homework, instead of running out the door, we headed upstairs, changed clothes and both kids climbed into bed with me.  Hubby was out of town.  I enjoyed reading a magazine while the kids fooled around (doing what they do).  Then my newly turned 2-year old came over to see what I was reading.

“O!”, he pointed out a letter O on the cover page.  He knows his shapes and I’m wondering why and when he started calling a circle O.  “O! O! O!”, he repeated as he pointed out several Os on the page.  I smile at him in acknowledgement and continue to read when he begins a round of “A! A!”, pointing at the As on the page.  This got my attention.  I clapped in excitement.  Big sister scooted over to see what was going on.  Baby Brother, enjoying the attention showed her the Os and As.  Then, “E!”.  Even though he was pointing at an F, I was pretty impressed. 

This experience made staying home absolutely worth it and I felt shamed that I do not spend enough time with him.   At the same time, I am thankful that I have access to such great childcare.  Our neighbor who runs a home daycare does not just watch him, she puts a lot of effort and energy into teaching and she’s got incredible patience with the kids.  Thanks to her efforts, I’m seeing that Baby Brother is not just funny, he’s also very smart.  The week before, Hubby and I were shocked to discover that Baby Brother could count to 20.  He usually counted to 10 and we would all clap in celebration.  But this time, Hubby and I were busy and did not clap at 10.  When Baby Brother said “Eleven”, Hubby and I dropped what we were doing and listened in astonishment as we went to “Twenty”, at which time we went crazy with applause.  He looked so proud.

We stopped over at a neighbors place who’s starting a home daycare.  Hubby and I have decided to move Baby Brother from his regular daycare to this home daycare and we were there to go over final details.  We talked about naptime, meals, emergencies, lesson plans and a myriad other details.  The new home daycare owner was very excited and animated as she displayed all the learning materials she had purchased for the kids.  Her excitement was contagious. 

As soon as we got home, Darling Angel asked “Can I learn with Baby Brother?”.  She had been listening as we discussed lesson plans and she wanted in. 

“But those are for one year olds”, I told her.  “You already know all that.”

“But I want to learn too”, she whined.

I understood what she meant.  I have been worried that she was bored at school.  I told her teacher that much but she disagreed.  She insisted that my daughter was well behaved, gave her teachers no trouble whatsoever and therefore was not bored.  In this teacher’s estimation, boredom is only diagnosed by outwardly anti-social behavior.  How could I prove to this teacher that my daughter was bored?  And what would the teacher do with this information if she had it.  From our conversation, I figured “nothing”. 

“It doesn’t matter that she’s advanced now.”  Do you even know how advanced she is?  Have you bothered to find out?

“Maturity and the ability to listen to instructions is more important.”  Agreed, but can’t you cultivate those while stretching her limits?

“Our program is already advanced so we don’t have a special track for advanced students.”  And that’s why you have my daughter who’s already reading at the 2nd grade level spend a whole day identifying the letter J!

“We have never had a student skip a grade before.”  Why am I not surprised?  You are unable to or choose not to identify gifted kids.

I still feel a lot of disappointed over that conversation with the teacher.  Obviously, the responses above were not what I said to her.  I mostly smiled and nodded my head and asked the next question.  She smiled too and answered me patiently.  But I was screaming in my head.  “How can you not know that she can read?  How can you not bother to find out what your students know?!”

I do not want to judge.  She’s probably a good teacher.  She’s been doing her job for 20-something years.  She does a great job of keeping the kids in line.  I have never been a teacher to 4 and 5 year olds and I imagine it is not an easy job.  But my daughter remains bored.  I do not mean to imply that she’s not learning anything new.  She is.  And when she does learn something new, she gets animated and talks about it all day.  About two years ago, that excitement was the norm.  Now, it is the exception.

Now, back to present.  She’s saying “Mommy, please please, I want to learn too”.  I realized I have not worked as hard as I should to create exciting learning opportunities at home.  It has been a while (a long while) since my last visit to Holcombs.  Then I remember it is not just about buying stuff at Holcombs.  It is about me dedicating time for her.  Stuff do not make up for time. 

So I tell her, “That place is for babies to learn.  You have many places you can learn.  You can learn at school, you can learn at home..”

She cut in, “I want to learn at home mommy”.

I say, “Why don’t you write all the things you can do to learn at home”.

She ran to get her notebook and started to write painstakingly, asking me for directions and spellings, fretting over the mistakes she made as she made her list: reading books, doing puzzles, riding bicycles, coloring pictures, writing…until it was dinner time.