Womze – Cross Cultural Parenting

Spill hot chocolate all over your desk.  Or coffee, if that’s your preferred drink.  Hot chocolate is mine.

Week after week, I had been telling myself to get rid of the clutter on my desk.  Late last year, I had the clutter trimmed down but it’s beginning to grow again.  Week after week, I put off addressing the clutter and instead, feed it a little.

Fortunately, before it became a monstrosity, I spilled a huge mug of hot chocolate all over my desk.  Ordinarily, this is not a good thing to do but my first reaction was to be thankful that my laptop was spared since it sat atop a notebook raiser.  Colleagues dashed over offering paper towels, grabbing some of the documents off my desk.  I gathered all the papers and dumped them on the floor under my desk while I finished cleaning up my desk.  Then I made another cup of hot chocolate (I really needed it) and finished it before I was ready to tackle the unfortunate stack of papers.

With a shredder bin within reach, I reviewed each document.  These documents, most of which I had planned to review (at some future time) looked less attractive with brown stains around their edges.  So one by one, they all went into the shredder bin.  Until I had just two bits of information I needed to act upon.  I had nothing that I also didn’t have in electronic format if I was suddenly hit by a need to read it. 

As I took in my clean desk with appreciation, I wondered WHY I had all those documents sitting on my desk in the first place.  A colleague stopped by.  “Having a bad morning?”, she asked. 

“Oh no!  It’s a good morning.  I’ve got a clean desk.”

BigTent is sponsoring the last blog blast of 2008 on Parent Bloggers Network.  I decided to participate, not just because I’ve been planning to participate sometime and this is the last opportunity this year, but because the topic sparks images of peace and tranquility in my mind.  We’re to write what we will be doing in 2009 to make our “circus” easier, better, or just plain manageable.

2008 Recap

I started 2008 with an infant and a four year old who was still very attached to me.  I experienced the typical sleepless nights that every new mother does and can’t remember now, how I used to make it through my day at work.  My sleepless nights however extended a little longer than usual, with baby insisting on night time feedings well beyond 10 months.

Sometime during a moment of alertness, I realized that my older kid was short on extra-curricular activities and we quickly remedied it by enrolling in karate and swimming classes.  We also scheduled weekly library trips in there to keep up her enthusiasm for reading.  But I was short on gas…not enough sleep.  Exercise helped, good food helped, but I yearned for sleep, six hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Serenity dreams

I look forward to 2009.  I have great hopes, dreams that my circus is over, to be replaced by a calm oasis.  Ok, that may be an exageration, but a mom can dream.  What gives me such great hope for 2009?  What will I do to achieve this dream of serenity?  Well, here are five reasons I am hopeful.

1. Baby Brother will sleep longer
As babies get older, they seem to need more sleep.  My daughter, Darling Angel, at age 2 would wake up to ask for milk at odd hours of the night.  Now at 5, I can hardly get her up in the morning.  Though I’ve sleeping been sleeping uninterrupted now for about 6 weeks now, I would like to enjoy a few moments of peace and quiet after I wake up.  Baby Brother (still co-sleeping), usually has one eye open, watching out for my awake signal.  As soon as I get up, he cries out, insisting on being held.  I have to fetch his milk while carrying 24 pounds and I’m exhausted even before the day begins.
When he sleeps deeper and longer, I will have my peace and quiet in the mornings.  Some of this p&q can be used to fold away laundary.

2.  All co-sleeping will end
However I got into co-sleeping (with both kids), I won’t recap but a friend of mine tells me it must be my fault, otherwise, it wouldn’t have happened twice.  When Spring arrives, I will send Baby Brother back into his crib (or crib converted to toddler bed).  For now, it gives me comfort to know that he’s right here and warm.  Hubby (who’s usually out of town) is also better assured that the baby is nice and toasty when I say, “he’s right next to me”.  Come Spring, we’ll be done with ‘cold worries’.

3.  Darling Angel will take care of her own baths
On my 6th birthday, I asked my parents for permission to bathe myself.  “I’m a big girl now”, I told them.  “I don’t need anybody bathing me”.  My parents deliberated and granted me my desire.  My desire was not motivated by a sense of maturity but that’s a story for some other time.  However, if Darling Angel can bathe herself at 6 (or a little earlier – I will encourage her earlier), all I have to do is wake her up in the morning and she’ll take care of everything else.  Excellent!

4.  My energy level and strength will increase
I have been exercising somewhat constantly (can one preface constantly with somewhat?).  If I continue to exercise in 2009, I will be even stronger than I am in 2008.  Hauling 24 pounds (or Baby Brother’s future weight) should be a breeze.  But wait, he’ll be older and need less hauling.  I’m really excited.  If I’m stronger, I’ll be able to tackle housework with ease.  Rather than giving in to the clutter, I can actively stay on top of things – putting toys away, rearranging books, arranging all the junk in the basement – instead of watching helplessly while the kids exercise their rights to mess.

5. My diet will improve
I will resolve to eat a better diet in 2009.  A good diet, combined with exercising will give me all the energy I need to accomplish all tasks without feeling depleted.  I hope.  I plan.  I have tried taking notes of everything I eat as a strategy to combat mindless snacking and it worked.  I will make this one of my goals for 2009 – write everything I eat. 

With these five projections for 2009, all I see is a calm oasis of peace and tranquility.

[photo source]

When I scrolled through my Google Reader, the subject line, “Slacking Off at Work” jumped out at me.  “Maybe it’ll tell me how to maximize every minute of your day”, I thought and quickly clicked through to open the article.  It turned out that it was referencing a CareerBuilder article  about finding balance despite a hectic schedule.  Advice that is just as useful, perhaps more useful than squeezing out efficiencies from every minute of my day. 

Here’s my self-evaluation on each of the  advice given.

E-mail can wait
…designate time to check e-mails so that you don’t get distracted while doing other tasks”. 
I’ve very guilty of clicking the refresh button every few minutes.  The mailbox is updated every few minutes anyway, so why do I keep hitting refresh?  I know, I’m always hoping someone’s sent me some information I’ve been waiting for.  But think of all the energy I could save by keeping my fingers off those keys.  And I always drop whatever I’m doing when I see the “new mail” icon pop up.  I don’t think I can shut off my email program or turn off the alerts, but I will keep my fingers off the refresh button.  Baby steps.

Don’t multitask
we end up doing a little of everything and never making much progress on any one task.
Guilty again.  But I recognize this and deal with it by making lists I can check off.  The need to check off an item drives me to complete one instead of having two items in progress.  I do look for opportunities to multitask but being in a conference call and writing or reading another report has backfired one time too many when I didn’t realize I was being addressed during the call.  Probably left the impression that I was slacking during the call…and not in a good way.

Give yourself a break.
…get away from work for five minutes…return with a clear head and produce better quality work.
I consider myself lucky that my company has an onsite gym.  I always return from a visit to the gym with renewed energy, however that’s usually a 45 minute to 1 hour break.  I return feeling like I’m just about to start my day.  As for short walks, I’ve done that when I felt over-stressed or tired and needed to de-stress or wake up.  I think I do it without thinking about it and right now, I’m not sure if I do it enough or too little.

Don’t eat lunch at your desk
…lunch in front of a computer every day, however, doesn’t give your eyes or your mind time to relax.
Unfortunately, when I take an hour to go to the gym, I do have to have lunch in front of the computer.  But I already gave my eyes that hour of rest, right, so I think I’m good in this area.  Of course, there are many ocassions where deadlines do not permit either a visit to the gym or lunch away from desk.

Schedule some “me” time
…block off a period of time for whatever work you need to do without interruption.
I was thinking along this line when I made Fridays my “Get Organized” day - a day to organize information I’ve collected, plan for the following week and declutter my desk.  I initially blocked off my entire Friday but have since made it a half day.  So far, so good.

Thinking through all these tips, I see there’s lots of room for improvement, but I think I’m not doing too badly.  Getting organized at home, however needs a lot more work.

Laundary piles up faster than ever now.  I had thought we would use fewer clothes with Darling Angel going to a school where she wears a uniform, but contrary to that expectation, we’re creating more items for laundaring than ever before.  Yes, she wears a uniform to school.  Then she goes to the daycare for ‘after school’, and there she changes into play clothes.  On days that she has karate, add another item – negligle, just one item, but one more item nevertheless.

Baby Brother’s going through clothes as fast as he can soak them with his drooling – no disappointment there.  I get burped on, wiped on, slobbered on and I’m also doing my part in ensuring we have a huge pile of clothes to launder every week.  Hubby tries, maybe not as hard as the rest of us, to ensure a considerable laundary output.

To facilitate smooth weekday mornings, I’ve found that having clothes ready-to-go is about the most essential item.  Past few weekends, I’ve succeeded in having washed laundary sorted out, ironed and put away by Saturday.  Putting away laundary might not sound like a big deal, but I find it to be very time-consuming what with all the socks that need to be matched and onesies to be folded. 

This weekend, it got pushed to Sunday.  Then Darling Angel shoveled dirt on her head (don’t ask me why) while ‘helping’ her dad do yard work.  Taking out her plaits, washing her hair and redoing her hair then took precedence over laundary.

Just before jumping into bed, I ironed two sets of uniform – one for Monday and one for Tuesday.  Tuesday night, I planned to get through the rest.  It’s Tuesday night and instead of putting laundary away, I’m blogging.  Well, after picking out clothes for tomorrow.  But while I write and think of laundary instead of actually doing it, I realize that I must improve my laundary efficiency.

1. Hang uniforms as they come out of the dryer.  That way, they’re still nice and crisp and do not need ironing.  Crumpling them in the clothes basket with the rest of laundary just adds another step – ironing. 
2. Put away the large items first.  Folding towels, bedsheets take a relatively short time, yet significantly decrease the size of the laundary.
3. Ok, I’m out of ideas – I thought I had more when I started numbering.  I’m dozing off.  And I must wake up early to dig through laundary for what I will wear…and hope it’s something I don’t have to iron.

 Image source

Starting from tomorrow, I will not spend my Fridays sitting in meetings.  Starting from tomorrow, I will spend my Fridays organizing…organizing my thoughts from all the meetings I sat through from Monday to Thursday, organizing and filing away all the notes and documents accumulated during the week, writing reports that I need to submit, setting my goals for the following week, making a list of tasks I need to complete the following week and setting the stage for a more efficient week.

I had to cancel out of a three day training this week at the last minute, due to project demands.  But this suddenly left my Friday calendar open.  As I get ready to go home, I glance at the mountain of documents on my desk.  “I need to get these organized”, I think to myself.  I wish I could spend tomorrow organizing my desk.  But there’s never time.  I look in my calendar, and alas, “I don’t have a single meeting scheduled for tomorrow!”  Nothing.  Nada.

As I got excited about the prospect of some ‘downtime’ to review, reflect on and act on all the documents on my desk, I thought to myself, “why don’t I do this every Friday?” 

Why not?  Such a simple concept.  I will block out my schedule on Fridays, mark my calendar as ‘busy’ for the whole day.  That way, I remember not to schedule meetings with other people on Fridays. Hopefully, meeting invites from other people for Fridays will be reduced. Fridays will be my “Get Organized” day.  Why didn’t I ever think of this? 

If anyone needs to optimize their time at work, it’s the working mom.  Staying after regular hours to complete tasks that need to be done is not an option, at least not on a regular basis, because then my kids would languish in daycare.  Not an option.  My hubby does enough long hours and business trips for the two of us. I’m doing “Get Organized Fridays.”

I’m excited that today is Thursday, because tomorrow, I can put my plan into practice.  If I can make this work, if I can take a step back from the frantic pace of work, I will probably meet my objectives quicker than when I’m flying by the seat of my pants.  It’s taking a step back so I can take a leap forward.

I often hop from meeting to meeting to meeting with little or no downtime.  I accumulate documents and they just sit on my desk.  I’ve read of organizing techniques – touch it once and process it or dump it (or something of that nature), but that hasn’t worked for me.  I need to review it, reflect on it, make sense of it, put it aside, try to make sense of it again until I figure it out.  Since I don’t always have time for that in the office, I often bring them home (which is totally unrealistic since I never have time for that at home either), take them back to work untouched where they join the pile of older, half-reviewed documents. I wonder how I’ve been getting by.  Well, I’m breaking the cycle tomorrow.  And I will have a clean desk while doing it.