Womze – Cross Cultural Parenting

“I think Baby Brother will be a clown when he grows up.”  “No no no…I think he will be a jester.  A jester is funnier than a clown.”  Darling Angel is trying to predict what her brother will be.

Hubby and I quickly counter.  “No no no.  My son will be an engineer”, his dad said.

“But I think he will be a jester”, the girl insisted.  This argument goes on for days, repeated itself ocassionally over the weeks and eventually petered out.  Darling Angel finally accepts that it is unacceptable for her brother to be a jester (or a clown) when grows up.

I did understand her motivation behind the claim.  Baby Brother is a funny dude.  He likes to make people laugh.  As soon as he learned to walk, he would practice several types of funny walks, on bended knees, with stiff legs, just to get a giggle out of someone.  He likes to make faces.  And I’m sure that when we are able to understand what he’s saying, he will say a lot of funny things.  Right now, he laughs hysterically while he lets out his stream of babbles and points to the (I’m assuming) funny thing he just saw on TV.  But I explained to Darling Angel.  Baby Brother can still be funny, but he will have a nice job…like an Engineer (we’re kind of stuck on that for now).

Now, months later, Darling Angel suddenly declared, “I think Baby Brother will be a fire fighter.”

“No”, I quickly responded.  “He will be an engineer.”

Again, she insisted.  I asked her, “Why don’t you be the fire fighter?”.  To which she responded that she wants to be a doctor, besides, she doesn’t like fire.

“Aha, so what makes you think your brother likes fire?”.  “I think he will be an engineer.  Maybe an aerospace engineer.”

“But mom!  He never said he wants to be a space engineer.  He can’t even say that!”

“Exactly!  Neither did he say he wants to be a fire fighter.  But I think he will like being an engineer.  Or the CEO of a large corporation.” I used the mom prerogative.

I made it a point not to ask him yet, because if I ask him, “What do you want to be?”, I wouldn’t be surprised if he says “Arrgh, pirate!”, his most recent funny phrase, said with a squint in one eye.

Note: I do not have anything against clowns, jesters or fire fighters.  I just want my son to be something else.  I do have something against being a pirate.

As I got ready to go on maternity leave almost 2 years ago, I thought to myself, this would be a great opportunity to study for this certification exam that I have been thinking about. I went online and ordered the book I would study. The last excuse I needed was not having study material.Baby came. 10 weeks rolled by…very quickly…and it was time to return to work. Then I remembered…”didn’t I get a book in the mail I was supposed to study?!” I pulled it down from the shelf where it had been staring at me unnoticed for weeks and hurriedly browsed the first chapter. “I’ll just have to incorporate the study into my time now, somehow.”Another 18 months rolled by. This time, the exam was not forgotten. Instead, it was a nagging monkey hanging on my back, whispering in my ears every now and then, filling me with guilt. Attempt after attempt to study failed, study groups fell apart as members backed out for various reasons, pushing off exam dates. “I’m going to try for the next one. This one is too close.” But the monkey wouldn’t let go. So I picked a date and announced to the world (i.e. my colleagues and my bosses) that I was taking the exam on that date. I needed them to hold me accountable.But I didn’t figure out how hard studying would be when you have kids, two of them and a full time job. My plan revolved around studying after the kids went to bed except I was often too tired at that time to retain much information. It’s incredible how much a day in the office drains energy.

Getting to work earlier to study for 30 minutes or an hour would have been a great strategy…if I could swing it. As it was, I was barely making it to work on time and I was leaving many things undone just to do that (such as giving my kid a pop tart to eat in the car instead of a good breakfast – not good). Staying later to study was also not a good option because it meant my kids spend even more time at daycare – not acceptable. Hubby’s schedule does not allow him to perform drop-offs and pick-ups except on rare ocassions.

This left trying to cram in some study time during lunch. Which meant eliminating working out at the same time. Which meant my energy level began to dip – counter productive. Which meant it became even more difficult to study at night. Ouch!

But this is not all about complaining. I did do what I could to study, it just turned out to be more challenging than I had imagined. These were the strategies that worked:

1. I put together a study group at work that planned to meet for 2 hours weekly for 17 weeks. Since this group met during work hours, I got my boss’s permission to spend time on this activity. When this group started to fall apart, I kept using that time to study/review practice questions.
2. I purchased audio material that I could listen to while I drive. I drive about 30 minutes each way to and from work so this translated into very valuable study time. I wasn’t always focused on the voice streaming knowledge into my head, but some things got through.
3. I woke up early or in the middle of the night to study. I could do this only if I went to bed as soon as I put the kids in bed. This was most effective when I put the kids in bed at 7:30 and after bedtime stories, they’re asleep by 8pm and I’m asleep shortly after and I wake up at 1am and study for 2 hours. Then I can go back to sleep for a short while before waking up to begin my day. When this worked, it was the most effective study approach. But the problem was that it didn’t work often enough i.e. it was often difficult to fall asleep at 8pm or wake up at 1am. However, I am very grateful for all the times I could do this.
4. When all other strategies were found not be enough, I started taking off days from work…one day each week for the 3 weeks leading up to the exam. Without these, I don’t think I would have ever felt ready to sit for the exam. Actually, that’s an overstatement…I never did feel ready but I would have felt a lot less so.

Last Saturday, I sat for the exam and the monkey is now off my back. And as I await my results, my fervent prayer is that the monkey stays off.