Womze - Cross Cultural Parenting

I’ve tried it before, I know it can work.  I know baby can sleep all night in his crib.
The pattern was interrupted, I lacked energy to fight it, but now is the time to do it again.
He had a bottle, he had his dinner, he had a bath and another bottle, he’s ready for bed.
It’s bedtime, I tell big sister.  You miss your daddy, I know.  He’ll be back tomorrow.
Bedtime for all kids, little ones and big ones.  Mommy wants to stay up, blogging all night.
Big sister lays in bed and reads a book, I remember how I would always do that to fall asleep too.
I lay baby brother in his crib, he’s completely sound asleep.  Hurray, I pat myself on the back.
I eat dinner, I talk to Hubby, yes the kids are in bed.  Their beds, I proudly pronounce.
I go online, I read and I comment.  It’s great being part of this bloggy world.
I write a post, I write two.  Baby’s still soundly fast asleep.
Then I can keep my eyes open no longer and I drag myself to bed.
I hear crying, I say to myself “let him cry”.
But my legs on autopilot walk towards the baby’s room.
My arms pick him up and bring him to my bed.
My tired body copes better this way.
Baby nestled next to mommy, decides he wants a snack.
Waa waa waa, he screams to get my attention.
“What’s he doing here?  How did he get here?” I wonder to myself.
“Get him something to eat.  I don’t want that noise” I hear a sleepy voice say.
Big sister too’s in my bed!  I thought you got butted out after three years of interrupting my nights.
“Out.  Back to your bed”, I snap.
I look at the time, it’s 5:30am.  Baby’s still whining.  Might as well get him a bottle.
I drag myself out, I mix up his formula.
On my way back, I peek in big sister’s room.  She’s sitting up sulking in bed.
“Ok, you can sleep in my  room”, my mouth says.
Her eyes brighten, she runs back to my bed, snuggles under the covers.  What I have I done?
It’s 6am.  Get ready for work.  Get the kids ready.  It’s another working day.
At the end of the day, too tired to keep the kids in their bed.  Cycle repeats.

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Seeing how I’m sabotaging my own efforts to have my baby cry it out and sleep in his crib, I think I need the help of a sleep consultant.  I didn’t even realize that sleep consultants existed until I saw the post on cool mom picks talking about Dream Team Baby.  Here’s an excerpt.

They’ll come into your home and make sure you’ve got an environment that’s most conducive to promoting healthy sleep patterns, while giving you the tools and tips you need to get more shut-eye all around. The big deal fancy “Stay With Me” package even includes an overnight stay with follow-up meetings.

I need the big deal fancy “Stay With Me” package…but could I afford the consultation fees?  I bet it exceeds our family’s budget for sleep consultation.  We don’t have a family budget for sleep consultation.  

That puts sleep in perspective - sleep, uninterrupted sleep is a luxury.

I wanted to wait until baby’s sleep pattern was well established…until I could confidently say “My baby sleeps all night.  By himself.”  Confidently say it and not have him prove me wrong the following night.  Then I would write about how to successfully make your baby sleep all night.  I would say, “It’s easy.  Just let him cry it out.  Don’t back down.”  I knew what I was going to write.  I just wanted to wait longer than a week before writing it. It’s longer than a week, and now I’m writing a different post.

It started off well…almost like a textbook.  First night, 20 minutes of crying.  The following night, 5.  The next, just a whimper.  No issue the night after.  Adoring Father was back home, also enjoying a few nights without interruption.  Then we hit a bump.  One night where he seemed more tired than usual.  He ate less cereal than was normal and didn’t finish his bottle of milk.  He went to sleep in his crib without a protest.  But three hours later, he was calling for attention.  Could I ignore this cry?  I didn’t think so.  Adoring Father didn’t think so either.  Baby had to be hungry.  I probably should feed him.  I fed him.  He was fussy.  He stayed in bed with me, not in his crib.  There started our backward slide.

Days later, I know there’s nothing the matter with him.  If he was fighting off a bug, it is long gone now.  He’s fine.  He’s eating well and we’re back to our normal schedule.  “He needs to stay in his crib”, I think.  I’ve experienced it, it was good and I want my nighttime freedom back.  Not tethered to baby for fear he will roll off the bed as he’s a very active one.  I know he will resist…we’re back at the beginning.  Would we follow the same pattern as before with 20 minutes of crying the first night?  I wonder.  Adoring Father is home, he hates to hear his baby cry.  I have to convince him this is for the good.

So baby goes into his crib at night.  I tell myself that tonight, that’s where he’ll stay.  Like clockwork, he’s up again three hours later.  Adoring Father starts to get out of bed to pick him up.  “5 minutes.  Let’s give him 5 minutes”, I ask.  He doesn’t like it but agrees to bear it.  5 minutes.  I pray that it is enough.  I watch the clock and I pray.  Silently.  Four minutes, and the loud crying recedes.  Relief washes over me.  We did it!  A few minutes later, another cry.  I stiffen, but the crying stops.  Relief…we’re still good.  Adoring Father and I settle back to sleep.  I can hardly sleep though as I keep expecting to hear another cry.  “Stay asleep.  Stay asleep.  Stay asleep.” I chant in my head repeatedly.  Morning came and there’s no baby in our bed.  Success!

Success?

I tiptoe into the baby’s room.  But alas!  The crib is empty!!

I notice the door to the next bedroom is ajar.  I peek inside and there was baby asleep right next to his uncle.

Success…somewhat.  The sleep battle feels like it will be won.  Baby Brother has been going into his crib every night with very limited protest.  Just a token protest to let me know he would rather be held.  Another token (10 second cry) 3 hours later to give me the chance to pick him up.  But he’s been getting into a coughing fit consistently at about 3:30am and this is when I pick him and we fall into our old pattern.  He’s got a little congestion and even though I’ve got a humidifier running in his room, he seems to need more moisture (a drink) around that time.  As far as I’m concerned, sleeping from 9pm to 3:30am in his own crib is a huge success.  Yet, I am sleep-deprived - more sleep-deprived than when the baby woke me up every 2-3 hours!  WHY??

I apparently suffer from some sort of absent-baby-insomnia where I just lay awake in bed straining my ears for any sound coming from his room and keeping my eye on the clock.  I trust I will be cured soon.  Adoring Father is ecstatic about our success.  But we have to guard our ’success’ as Adoring Angel is trying to fill the space vacated by her brother, showing up in the middle of the night to sleep by mommy (a space she not so long ago relinquished to Baby Brother).  AF is determined not to let that happen and immediately bundles her up to return her to her bed.  Thank Goodness!

Seven months of interrupted sleep…sleep broken by baby who’s formed the habit.  Several months before that of interrupted sleep…sleep broken by a need to pee…multiple times in the night.  Should I be used to it?  Somewhat.  But it leaves me tired in the morning.  And my days are not spent as efficiently as they could be.

I’m ready to reclaim my sleep…unbroken sleep.  I’m not waiting years.  No, not three years to do so.  I’ve done that before.  Had I known it could be three years, I would have been more proactive.  But three years crept up on me.  On us.  Adoring Father couldn’t bear the thought that Darling Angel may not need the cup of milk she so fervently begged for at 3am every night.  “Oh!  Let’s break this habit”, we would decide.  But the pleas would melt his heart.  What can I say?  He’s AF.

I’m ready to reclaim my sleep…unbroken sleep.  Seven months is long enough and we’re out of excuses for “why not”.  I’m ready to let him cry it out.  Cry it out and go to sleep.  Cry it out and stay asleep.  And I’ve learned my lesson - I will not let him “cry it out” while AF is around.  He’s away, so we will “cry it out” tonight.

This is day 2.  Day 1 started out better than I expected. Fed, bathed, fed, sleepy, dropped in crib, protested.  The day before, I would have picked him up.  But instead, I patted him on the back, blew him a kiss and walked out the door.  “How long was I willing to listen to him cry?”, I asked myself.  “Two hours”, I told myself.  I put on the TV and tried to concentrate on what I was watching, but I was really watching the clock.  And listening to the tone of the cry.  “Two hours”, I kept reminding myself.  It felt like two hours, but it was 20 minutes when the crying stopped.  I heaved a sigh of relief, took a quick peek at him and went to bed.

Three hours later, his cries woke me up.  “Don’t do it”, I told myself.  “Let him cry it out”.  Less than 5 minutes later, he was quiet.  Delighted!  I started falling back asleep.  But I thought perhaps I should take a peek at him.  I found him asleep, but sitting upright, holding on to the slats of his crib.  The sight sent a wave of guilt washing over me.  I snatched him out of the crib, hugged him tight and carried him back into bed with me.  From there, we fell into our regular routine.  The following morning, I wondered why I didn’t simply place him back in his crib on his back!

Day 2.  Fed, bathed, fed, placed in crib, protested, left in crib.  Asleep in 5 minutes.  I took a peek, and AGAIN, he’s asleep but sitting upright, holding on to the slats of the crib.  I gently placed him on his back.  And got busy doing the things I wouldn’t be able to do while holding him in my arms, rocking him to sleep.  Now, I’m watching the clock, waiting for his 3 hour wake.  This time, I’m keeping my wits around me.  He’s staying in his crib.  I feel victorious already.

When AF gets home, he’ll be grateful for unbroken sleep.  But I won’t be ‘fessing up about how we did it.  Okay, I tend to blab…but what’s done is done.  And done for The Good.