Womze - Cross Cultural Parenting

When I got pregnant with my first child, my sleep pattern changed.  I started to sleep a lot more and could no longer depend on my trusty 6 hour biological clock to wake me up.  6 hours of sleep was no longer enough.  Then the child came along with the expected sleeplessness…breastfeeding through the night.  But even after that stage passed, I was still often tired.  What with working a full time job and being a mommy.  Not just to kid #1 but to kid #2 as well.  Tiredness was a given.  But was it?  Really?

I no longer think so.  And I don’t know how many other moms think so.  I have assumed for the past 6+ years that I am supposed to be tired after a full day at work.  But all along, it seems the problem was that I wasn’t paying the proper attention to my diet.  It seems to simple and I don’t know if it really is that simple.  I have tried over the years to exercise, to eat good food, to not overeat, take supplements etc.  And I’ve had my ups and downs with energy.

Last week I mentally evaluated my diet and it was glaring that fruits and veggies were absent (mostly).  I do like fruits and eat mostly those than do not require preparations (washing and peeling) like apples and bananas.  But veggies…very absent.  So I headed to the grocery store, determined to change things and hoping I would feel a difference in my energy levels.

I stocked up on more bananas, cantaloupes, watermelons, cherries, spinach, lettuce and carrot.  And sunflower seeds, pecan nuts and whole grain crackers for office desk drawer.  I washed, peeled and cut up any fruits requiring such preparations.  I reduced my rice portion for lunch and work and included a bowl of fruit.  Spinach salad for snack.

And by day 2, I was feeling “wow! is this feeling for real?”.  I didn’t want to write about it too early.  But it’s been over a week and the feeling still persists.  Still fully awake and alert in the evening and ready to take on stuff.  And that’s what I’ve done all week.  Gardening, cleaning, scrubbing, rearranging, buying and assembling new furniture.  It’s like I’m afraid the feeling won’t last and I’m trying to get as much done while I can.  But now, I intend to hold on to this feeling. 

Problem is, I do not know for sure, which of the foods I’m eating is providing the energy.  Perhaps it is the combination.  Perhaps it is the sunflower seeds.  I read that it’s a great source of magnesium which is needed for energy production.  And so is spinach.  (Remember Popeye).

And the 6 hour sleep cycle…it’s back.  And I have to learn to readjust back to it by staying up later because if I sleep early as I usually try to do, I end up waking up in the middle of the night.  So now I can spend my nights catching up on all my reading.

Thought I would surprise Hubby when he gets back from his trip.  Thought I would have dug out the flowers we don’t like and replaced them with some that we do.  So I got to work this evening.  Darling Angel and Baby Brother were fitted with their Dora and Diego (respectively) gardening gloves.  I planned to take some cute pictures of them supposedly hard at work.  But the work turned out to be really hard.  And the kids just got in the way.  I’m using all my willpower to move my fingers right now…they’re falling asleep.  The good news is that I did dig out one Iris plant (where we planted it is not suited for the wild grass look) and replaced it with something more flowery and colorful.  I’m proud of myself, but I will wait for Hubby before embarking on digging out any other plants with deep rooted roots.

My fingers are tired, but my eyes and brain are awake…sounds like prime time for reading (rare!).

The more I think about energy (or the lack of it), the more I realize how destructive it could be is.  Lack of energy robs me of my long-term goals if I I’m not able to work on them.  Lack of energy has denied me of loads of knowledge (books I have not read).  But worse still, lack of energy robs my children of the proper attention they should be getting.  That is the most destructive aspect of this energy quandary.  And worse yet, lack of energy prevents one from even realizing what is happening.

Fortunately, I now do.  This is not the first time I will focus on how to sustain my energy.   But this is the first time I’m viewing it in such a destructive light.  So I’m more motivated to see actual results…sleeping it off is not good enough. 

My first point of focus is food…a change to my diet.  If that doesn’t work, I guess I should book myself an appointment with my doctor because I already exercise.  But I know there’s a huge opportunity to improve my diet.  Typical Nigerian diet, heavy in carbs even with smaller portions, there’s plenty of room for improvement.  I’ve made an effort to increase fruits over the past week.  That’s easy because I like fruits.  I just need to put in a little effort to buy them and prepare them…chopped cantaloupes and watermelons make very nice snacks (if they are already chopped).   But I’m still lacking in veggies.  And my standard lunch of jollof rice and chicken (even with reduced portions) still left me feeling heavy.  So, tomorrow, I intend to reduce portions even further and eat lots of good snacks instead.  And to make sure I do, I already packed my lunch and snacks - a small bowl of rice & chicken,   a bowl of spinach leaves and carrots (just trying to get some veggies in), a bowl of chopped cantaloupes, a banana.  I also stopped at the grocery store to stock up on healthy non-perishables for my desk drawer - almonds, sunflower seeds, whole grain crackers and peanut butter granola bars.  These are supposed to eliminate my dash to the vending machine to get chocolate chip cookies.  But to make this work, I will also need to reinitiate my food journal, writing everything I eat, otherwise, I will end up fattening up on all the healthy junk in my desk drawer.

1. Maths - just because my cousin has his son going to Kumon, I thought we’d check it out as well.  So I had my daughter who’s going into 2nd grade go in for a placement test.  And I was disappointed with the result.  She gets her maths but she’s slow in computation.  I recall that we did not any time doing the weekly flash cards that her 1st grade teacher adviced us to do through the year…again, because she seemed to be doing fine without any aids.  I was wrong.  She needs help.
   The question is, do I pay for her to go to a math program or do we practice at home?  Oh, and I am very capable with my mathematics.  As I sat through the Kumon presentation while my daughter was being evaluated, I couldn’t help realizing that it sounded somewhat like the daily math drills my mom used to put me through.  (Big difference…she depended more on the stick than the carrot.)
   If I choose to do this at home, I must become super-structured about it.  Everyone in the house must know when it’s time for math drills.  I’m figuring out our plan and how to measure success and how to reward success…before we reconsider adding another weekly outside-the-home activity to our roster.
2. Energy - how do I maintain enough energy after work to get through my swim lesson?  I headed to my last lesson reluctantly, hoping for a reason to cancel like the previously week.  Fortunately, there was none.  So into the water I went and I was making progress…for the first 15 minutes, after which my energy was all spent.  And downhill I went from there.  So I’ve got to solve my energy crisis.  First, I’m focusing on what I eat…and have stocked up on fruits.  Haven’t had time to cook vegetables.  Should be googling “foods that provide energy, lots of it”. 
   I’ll also be needing this energy to sustain math drills.
3. Energy - all the stuff I want to write about (and do) when I have energy.

Despite my best intentions to write a post everyday, it is sometimes just impossible.  Like yesterday when I went to bed totally exhausted and woke up in my 2 year old son’s bed.

I marched back to my room to demand an explanation from Hubby.  (Like he could carry me from one bed to another room so effortlessly that I stay asleep.  ha.)  He told me Baby Brother cried out sometime in the night and I got out of bed.  But I have no memory of this.  Takes me back to when I was trying to wean Darling Angel of breastfeeding but always woke up and found myself breastfeeding.  Is that sleepwalking?

Today I’m still tired, but not as tired as yesterday.  I need a formula for sustaining a high energy level all through the day as opposed to my pre-dinner time energy crash.  Diet and water could do with some improvements…I guess those should be the first items I tackle.

Discipline involves a level of self-deprivation.  But feelings of deprivation also tend to thwart the goal of the discipline if it is not addressed.  So how do you teach a child discipline without making the child feel deprived?

I had a conversation with my 6 and a half year old daughter this evening which left me surprised…shocked that she was feeling Wii-deprived.  (She didn’t use that word.)  I had bought a wii console last December and expected that I would have to lay down rules regarding when and for how long the wii can be played.  I bought it because I thought I wanted a wii fit, and I also believed that buying it would help prevent feelings of deprivation.  (It seems everyone we visit has one and my daughter begs and pleads to be allowed to play with it.)

So I got one and I planned to lay down the rules.  However, the opportunity never came as my daughter seemed to prefer reading or watching TV (mostly watching TV) to playing the Wii.  I was happy so Hubby and I only had to spend our energies limiting TV, not TV and gaming.

So we were chatting this evening.  And I expressed how proud I was that she wasn’t always playing the game and in fact does not touch the Wii for weeks on end.  (Once I had to ask if it was still working.  “Did it break?  Are you hiding the fact that it’s broken?”)  For a fleeting moment, she looked proud, then she hung her head and confessed.

“Actually, I would like to play it more, but I’m afraid you and daddy will say go and read a book.  So I read instead.”

That’s certainly not a bad thing.  But then, we were discussing the appropriate behavior when she goes to a neighbor’s home daycare.  I didn’t want her to spend all her time playing games while the little kids napped.  I wanted her to read a book instead.  But she wants to play games then because she’s not allowed to at home.

I had to explain that she is allowed to play games.  And she can certainly play games at home.  But it must not stop her from doing the important things that actually make her smart.

“Can I play now?”, she asked in excitement.

“Yes.”  While I figure out how much and how often is good enough.

Looking forward to fun barbecues and just fun.  And back to work on Monday.  Why didn’t I think of taking the day off???

Well, HAPPY JULY 4.

My car is a mess.  It’s been a mess for a long time.  Inside the car, I mean.  Food crumbs from cookies and chips, sticky residue from candy, stains from liquid spills…you get the idea.  And you don’t want to lift up the car seats!

How do other moms keep their cars clean?  When anyone at work suggests riding in my car, say if we’re going out to lunch, I quickly throw out the mom-mobile excuse.  I’m ashamed of the inside of my car. 

My cousin told me she knows a mom who’s car is sparkling clean.  This mom forbids the consumption of any food item in the car.  What a great idea!  “I bet she’s not a working mom”, I told my cousin.  And in this case, I was right.

Two days ago, hubby decides to give my car a thorough cleaning.  Don’t get the wrong idea, I do try to clean inside my car.  I pick up fries from the floor, I mop up spills, I dust off crumbs, I shake the footmats just before we rush indoors to get ready for bedtime.  Ocassionally, I run a hand vacuum through the car.  And once last summer, I even shampooed all the seats and eliminated all the ‘beneath the car seat uglies’.  But when hubby told me he was giving my car a thorough cleanining, he really meant thorough.

Almost an hour into his routine, he summoned me.  “See these”, he pointed out the foot mats.  “I’m going to thrash them.  These are bad, they’re not worth the effort to clean them.  Get new ones at Walmart.”

“OK”, I said shame-facedly.  Could it be that my car was really that dirty.

Apparently, it was.  Because when hubby was done, it felt new and different.  I had never cleaned it nearly so well.  Thank you Hubby!!!

“See what daddy did!”, I gestured at the seats and floor as the kids settled into their car seats.  “We have to keep it clean, so no eating in the car.” 

“OK”, both 6 and 2 year old responded.

One day went by with no eating in the car.  Yesterday, I grabbed them from childcare as we rushed off to swim class.  “Mommy, we’re hungry, we need a snack.” they both wailed.

Hungry kids OR dirty car.  Which is the worse evil?  I weighed my options and dirty car won.  But I swore to myself that it would be a temporary defeat.  When we got back home, I made sure to pick up the crumbs.  But I must have been tired, because today, I still saw crumbs.  I zapped those with the hand vacuum, but I can’t help feeling that this is a losing battle.  Any tips?

Practice is the act of rehearsing a behavior over and over, or engaging in an activity again and again, for the purpose of improving or mastering it
- from wikipedia

When I tried to enroll my daughter in a karate school closer to home and the owner wouldn’t let us pay for one day a week, I was upset but I could see his point.  According to him, if once a week is all the karate practice she gets, then she’ll never be great at the sport.  We ended up not enrolling for other reasons, but as I consider the slow progress my daughter has been making at swimming, the karate instructor’s words come back to mind.

One thirty minute class per week is just enough to receive the instructions.  Additional time needs to be set aside for practice, to put the instructions into action.  But there, we’ve been lacking.  So I decided to tackle the obstruction to practice head-on.

Major obstruction to practice is that I cannot swim.  Therefore, I cannot take her to the pool to swim.  Therefore I depend on class schedules for her to get her practice.  And paying for additional classes would be well, costlier.

So I hope to come back sometime soon with an update saying how well I can now swim and how my daughter and Baby Brother have become good swimmers due to tons of practice opportunity.

In the meantime, I have to deal with my swim lesson challenges.  I had intended to take adult swim classes last summer until I found out that our rec center has no weekday evening classes.  Only Saturday classes were available but child care was unavailable during the weekend (a necessity given hubby’s schedule).  So I waited till Fall.  And evening weekday classes were available but the kids room closed 10 minutes before the class was over.  So I decided that come next summer (this one), I would pay for private classes at my (and the kid’s room) convenience.

So far, I’ve had one class.  No miracle happened.  Today was supposed to be my second class and I was running incredibly late.  As soon as I got the kids settled in the kids room, I rushed to change and shower and headed to the pool area where I saw a large crowd.  It appeared a competition (swim meet) was taking place in an adjoining pool.  My instructor was ready.  And so was I.  But I looked over at the rows of benches where proud parents were sitting watching their kids in competition, trying to scan the faces and see if I recognized any.  I couldn’t because they were too far away but nonetheless, I became alarmed.  “I can’t be a side attraction!”

I promised to be back next week, and now I wonder if I’m getting enough practice myself.  Wouldn’t it be ironic if I get stuck in the same issue I’m trying to solve?

I’ve been waiting for some free time to write down the many posts that I compose in my head as events unfold.  The posts that I later forget because I never even jotted the thoughts down.  Some free time to try my hands at writing a story.  Some free time to do the myriad of things I think I want to do.  Even some free time to think about what I want to do.  But there is no free time, so what’s the point of waiting.  As of today, I will just post daily…despite all the conflicting demands for my time.  But why add more conflict?

This is not based on objective research, but I have decided that Blogging makes me a better parent.

Perhaps that is not so, but I strongly believe that writing makes me a better parent.  Blogging just happens to be one outlet for the writing.  Because writing makes me concious of decisions I’m making, makes me observe my children more closely, makes me more aware of the cause and effect when it comes to my children’s behavior and helps me quickly identify when to change the course of my actions.

I am not talking about you.  Writing perhaps has no effect on your parenting quality.  And there are tons of great parents out there who probably never put a jot on paper.  But I’m talking about ME.  Writing is good for me and good for my kids.

And if this is the case, why not do it more?  Exactly right!  That’s what I plan to do.  Even though there is no time.  I intend to take some of the no time, everyday, and do some writing.  Blogging.  Because I can do that in a dark room, while laying down.  That’s one of the advantages.

One post per day is the goal for the month of July.  If I can keep that up for a month, it should become a habit.  Right?  After all, someone (where did I read that?) said it takes 21 days for an action to become a habit.

I put that to the test about two months ago.  I bribed (yes, bribed) my 6 year old daughter to sleep in her room all night.  Seven consecutive nights earned her a trip to Cold Stone Creamery.  A cheap bribe.  Even though she doesn’t like ice-cream much, she liked the act of going out to buy it enough that the bribe worked.  The second set of seven consecutive nights in her room earned her a trip to a used book store (another cheap bribe).  It worked.  I didn’t need to offer any bribes the 3rd week as she just headed to her room every night without any protest, and stayed there all night.  So all it took was 14 nights.  (I know this is kind of lame…6, actually six and a half year daughter not sleeping on her own…it’s been an up and down battle.)

So, back to one post per day.  For a whole month.  Then we’ll take it from there.