Womze – Cross Cultural Parenting

This morning, I heard a report on the radio that Chinese students took part for the first time in the Program for International Student Assessment which test reading, writing and math skills.  The outcome was no surprise to me – the Chinese students came out on top.   So I was surprised to hear the follow-up statement:

Some educators are calling it “a Sputnik moment,” like the launch of the Soviet satellite in 1957 that so shocked America.

These are students in a highly competitive school system who spend several hours a day studying, under pressure from both teachers and parents (so I’ve heard from my Chinese friends).  So why anyone is shocked that they came out on top is beyond me.

Despite this success, the school administrators believe that their system is in need of a change due to their overdependence on rote learning and lack of emphasis on critical thinking.  According to a Chinese school principal,

“Why don’t Chinese students dare to think? Because we insist on telling them everything. We’re not getting our kids to go and find things out for themselves.”

Rote learning and critical thinking both have their roles.  But I personally believe that for maximum effectiveness, especially in subjects like math, a combination is needed.  Perhaps there is some research that has identified what the optimal combination is, but I think it will probably vary for every individual.

The lesson here for me as a parent is to provide whatever balance may be lacking.  I grew up under a system of rote learning and I wish I had had the opportunity to develop my whole brain rather than just number crunching.  My children on the other hand have the opportunity for a richer development experience.  But deep within me (and me and Hubby talk about this all the time), I feel something is missing – the rote and repetition that could take them to an entirely new level, that solidifies the basic learnings.

The Kumon workbooks I ordered are on their way.  I had ordered them as I started to formulate plans and goals for 2011.  Now, hearing this report is further justification to make time for rote.  I can’t wait to get the workbooks.

Why Kumon?

I have purchased several workbooks for Math but haven’t found any that provides enough worksheets on a single concept.  They would just provide 2-5 worksheets on a newly introduced concept but I would like something that provides a ton of worksheets on each concept.  I tried to write exercises myself (how hard is it to come up with addition facts?) but it gets tiring.  Someone told me about the Kumon workbooks and thought it will provide what I need.  I am hopeful that they will since there’s an entire workbook for addition, another for subtraction etc.

When the workbooks arrive, I will be sure to write a review.

I could hardly wait for the first teacher conference with my daughter’s new teacher at her new school.  Last school year, discussions with her teacher were uncomfortable because we seemed to be on different pages.  In my estimation, the teacher wanted my child to be average.  I wanted my child to be exceptional.  Two very different goals.  New school, new grade, new teacher, I felt that things were different but I needed to confirm.

As I had hoped, conversation flowed easily with the new teacher.  The teacher had feared that the decision to allow Darling Angel skip kindergarten may turn out to be wrong but thankfully, she was coping incredibly well, both socially and with her school work.  The teacher pointed out the first grade word list we had been given at the beginning of the school year and remarked that since Darling Angel had already mastered all of it, she has upgraded her to the second grade word list.  That’s what I’m talking about!  Keep her challenged.

Then the teacher asked me if there was any area where I thought Darling Angel needed some help.  And I told her, “She needs to learn patience.”

“Exactly”, Teacher chimes.  I’m loving this.  We are so on the same page.  I visualize us holding hands, singing Kumbaya.  We trade stories to illustrate Darling Angel’s lack of patience.  Like when she had the homework to color a brick wall using a pattern of three colors.  She spent ten minutes complaining about how long it would take.  Also she zips through to her homework so quickly, leaving some questions unanswered in the process. 

“How do we fix that?”, I ask.  Teacher tells me that to an extent, it is normal with kids at this age.  But every little effort helps.

Hubby already suggested giving her even more ‘homework’ at home so she can exercise her patient muscles.  Given that homework is often happening while doing dinner, cleaning, getting ready for tomorrow, I haven’t implemented the more homework strategy yet.  She needs to learn to focus on what she is doing instead of worrying about the next task, which is often TV.  Or fractions, which are not in this year’s curriculum. 

I hope she naturally improves over time, but we also plan to enable the improvement.  I just haven’t decided what the plan is.  I’m still basking in relief that we made the right decision in moving her to a new school.  And instead of working at odds with the teacher, we can work together in partnership to bring out the best in my child.  Amen!

I have suspended blogging for a while but just couldn’t let this go without posting something about it…before she actually walks into the classroom for the first time. In less than12 hours,  Darling Angel will be walking into her grade one class at a new school.  She’s excited and she’s told anyone who cares to listen that “I’m skipping kindergarten” like it’s a badge of honor. 

I’m excited too but I’m also apprehensive, I’ve got butterflies in my tummy.  How well will she cope in grade one?  Well, she demonstrated that she can cope at that grade level before she was admitted so I shouldn’t be worried.  It’s just first day jitters.  Did I miss out anything on her supply list?  Better cross check everything?  Instructions said to label all supplies.  Do I label each crayon?  I decided that was silly (after an internal debate with self) and only labeled the box.  But I did label each pencil.  Hmm, will that get her laughed at?  Ah, perhaps I’m getting to the root of my apprehension?  Perhaps it has nothing to do Darling Angel’s ability to cope?  I’m afraid that I will do (or not do) something to embarass her.  Where did that come from?  I wonder.  Regardless, I will be walking her to her classroom tomorrow morning, camera in hand, taking snapshots of every single move she makes.

Better go to bed, we don’t want to be late.  And a good breakfast is a must, no flying out the door with a pop tart in hand.

It was science fair at my daughter’s school.  I was jittery with excitement looking forward to the wonders I will lay my eyes on.  My daughter’s in preK so I wasn’t expecting too much from her class.  But images of fourth grade kids operating robots flashed across my mind.

I’ve never been to a science fair.  We didn’t have science fairs where I grew up.  We had science projects and performed experiments.  But we mostly considered them lame.  We suffered from some form of inferiority complex where we believed that everything happening across the ocean was bigger, brighter, better.  Okay, I wasn’t always aware of ‘the outside world’.  But as I grew older, learned about other countries, developed countries, and learned that I was from a third world country (often called undeveloped but it made me feel better to say ‘developing’), the feelings of inadequacy grew.

So it was with great expectations that I walked into the school.  First to Darling Angel’s preK class where they had created a board about germs and how they spread.  They demonstrated how germs spread by coating their hands with cocoa powder and touching various objects.  I figure that’s age appropriate.  So I head to the older grades looking forward to see a smoking volcano, robotic devices, something that did something.  But instead, I see boards with pictures and text of various observatory activities the kids engaged in.  I headed from classroom to classroom hoping to see a device/something that did something.  But more boards.

I felt so disappointed.  These all looked like the same kinds of activities we called science projects in the third world.  I had considered them lame, a result of lack of better resources.  I wanted to see more from the developed world.

I went home and pondered what I had seen.  I pondered some more, then it hit me.  These kids were doing great projects.  I recalled the bright, excited faces as the kids explained what they had observed.  Isn’t that what science is all about? 

As for my unrealistic expectations, I blame it on being labelled “third world” and “undeveloped”.  And of course, the media.  I bet I must have seen some movies (and cartoons) with teeny geniuses creating world changing devices.  Now I understand that fifth grade kids are still observing their world.  They need a little more time to translate those observations into said devices.  I expect said devices to be ready for middle school.  Gee!  I can’t wait to see a middle school science fair.

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We stopped over at a neighbors place who’s starting a home daycare.  Hubby and I have decided to move Baby Brother from his regular daycare to this home daycare and we were there to go over final details.  We talked about naptime, meals, emergencies, lesson plans and a myriad other details.  The new home daycare owner was very excited and animated as she displayed all the learning materials she had purchased for the kids.  Her excitement was contagious. 

As soon as we got home, Darling Angel asked “Can I learn with Baby Brother?”.  She had been listening as we discussed lesson plans and she wanted in. 

“But those are for one year olds”, I told her.  “You already know all that.”

“But I want to learn too”, she whined.

I understood what she meant.  I have been worried that she was bored at school.  I told her teacher that much but she disagreed.  She insisted that my daughter was well behaved, gave her teachers no trouble whatsoever and therefore was not bored.  In this teacher’s estimation, boredom is only diagnosed by outwardly anti-social behavior.  How could I prove to this teacher that my daughter was bored?  And what would the teacher do with this information if she had it.  From our conversation, I figured “nothing”. 

“It doesn’t matter that she’s advanced now.”  Do you even know how advanced she is?  Have you bothered to find out?

“Maturity and the ability to listen to instructions is more important.”  Agreed, but can’t you cultivate those while stretching her limits?

“Our program is already advanced so we don’t have a special track for advanced students.”  And that’s why you have my daughter who’s already reading at the 2nd grade level spend a whole day identifying the letter J!

“We have never had a student skip a grade before.”  Why am I not surprised?  You are unable to or choose not to identify gifted kids.

I still feel a lot of disappointed over that conversation with the teacher.  Obviously, the responses above were not what I said to her.  I mostly smiled and nodded my head and asked the next question.  She smiled too and answered me patiently.  But I was screaming in my head.  “How can you not know that she can read?  How can you not bother to find out what your students know?!”

I do not want to judge.  She’s probably a good teacher.  She’s been doing her job for 20-something years.  She does a great job of keeping the kids in line.  I have never been a teacher to 4 and 5 year olds and I imagine it is not an easy job.  But my daughter remains bored.  I do not mean to imply that she’s not learning anything new.  She is.  And when she does learn something new, she gets animated and talks about it all day.  About two years ago, that excitement was the norm.  Now, it is the exception.

Now, back to present.  She’s saying “Mommy, please please, I want to learn too”.  I realized I have not worked as hard as I should to create exciting learning opportunities at home.  It has been a while (a long while) since my last visit to Holcombs.  Then I remember it is not just about buying stuff at Holcombs.  It is about me dedicating time for her.  Stuff do not make up for time. 

So I tell her, “That place is for babies to learn.  You have many places you can learn.  You can learn at school, you can learn at home..”

She cut in, “I want to learn at home mommy”.

I say, “Why don’t you write all the things you can do to learn at home”.

She ran to get her notebook and started to write painstakingly, asking me for directions and spellings, fretting over the mistakes she made as she made her list: reading books, doing puzzles, riding bicycles, coloring pictures, writing…until it was dinner time.

“I want you to buy me this book.”

“I want you to buy me that book.”

Darling Angel requests for almost every book she sees in the Scholastic catalogs she brings from school.  We now make weekly trips to the library, that way her reading list is not limited to what we buy.  So I told her, “write down all the books you want to read, and we’ll get them from the library”.

Today I gave her a notebook and she immediately grabbed a pencil and started to write.  A (”mommy, how do you spell little?”) LITTLE OLD LADY WHO WAS (”mommy, how do you spell afraid?”) AFRAID OF NOT (mommy, how do you spell nothing?”) THING. 

“Wow!”, I thought.  She wrote that from memory.  She will turn five next month.

Then I remembered, that at age five, I could also write.  And I don’t think it was a big deal that I could.  I remember because at the time, I lived with my grandmother while my mother was abroad getting her Masters degree.  It was right after my 5th birthday and my grandmother told me to write my mom a letter.  I wrote a long letter which was essentially a list of all the toys I wanted her to buy – a list inspired by the pictures on my birthday cards.  I can remember my grandmother’s disapproving eyes as she lectured me about the proper way to write a letter – inquire about her well being, tell her what I’m doing etc.

My point is, the expectations that kids are held to where I grew up (in Nigeria) is totally different from here in the USA.  I appreciate so much about America, and my graduate school experience here was top notch, but I’m disappointed with the school system at the kindergarten stage. 

I feel like my daughter is capable of so much more, if only someone would teach her.  So when I ask her teacher about efforts to take her to the next stage, and her teacher tells me that my daughter (who is in pre-K) is not expected to know how to Read at her age, I feel very extremely disappointed.  I sit down, quietly exploding with conflicting emotions (did we pick the right school?, is the teacher listening to me?, am I doing the right thing as a parent?) as the teacher proudly displays evidence that my daughter can identify colors, her name, the alphabets and numbers 0 to 9.  I agree with the teacher that social development is important, but heck, that can be developed simultaneously with reading, writing, math and all other fun things.

The Nigerian education system is not fantastic.  In fact, I can argue that it’s terrible.  And gets progressively worse as one advances, then maybe improves at the graduate levels. Need a graph?  Its failings are due to lack of supplies, teachers that are not paid, inadequate facilities.  I could go on, but this is not the right forum.  While the system may be worse, high expectations remain, and children succeed.  Now, imagine what children could do in a system that lacked these inadequacies!

People are different, kids are different.  Maybe not every kid will be able to write at 5.  Maybe that kid would be more accomplished in some other area.  But if every kids potential is developed to it’s highest potential (of course, while balancing with social development), I’m sure we’ll find a kid who would publish poetry at the age of 5.

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