Unintentionally Deprived
Discipline involves a level of self-deprivation. But feelings of deprivation also tend to thwart the goal of the discipline if it is not addressed. So how do you teach a child discipline without making the child feel deprived?
I had a conversation with my 6 and a half year old daughter this evening which left me surprised…shocked that she was feeling Wii-deprived. (She didn’t use that word.) I had bought a wii console last December and expected that I would have to lay down rules regarding when and for how long the wii can be played. I bought it because I thought I wanted a wii fit, and I also believed that buying it would help prevent feelings of deprivation. (It seems everyone we visit has one and my daughter begs and pleads to be allowed to play with it.)
So I got one and I planned to lay down the rules. However, the opportunity never came as my daughter seemed to prefer reading or watching TV (mostly watching TV) to playing the Wii. I was happy so Hubby and I only had to spend our energies limiting TV, not TV and gaming.
So we were chatting this evening. And I expressed how proud I was that she wasn’t always playing the game and in fact does not touch the Wii for weeks on end. (Once I had to ask if it was still working. “Did it break? Are you hiding the fact that it’s broken?”) For a fleeting moment, she looked proud, then she hung her head and confessed.
“Actually, I would like to play it more, but I’m afraid you and daddy will say go and read a book. So I read instead.”
That’s certainly not a bad thing. But then, we were discussing the appropriate behavior when she goes to a neighbor’s home daycare. I didn’t want her to spend all her time playing games while the little kids napped. I wanted her to read a book instead. But she wants to play games then because she’s not allowed to at home.
I had to explain that she is allowed to play games. And she can certainly play games at home. But it must not stop her from doing the important things that actually make her smart.
“Can I play now?”, she asked in excitement.
“Yes.” While I figure out how much and how often is good enough.
