Karate progress at last
Last week, I was ready to throw in the Karate towel but quitting was not an option. After six weeks of classes, Darling Angel had gone from ‘barely participating’ to worse. “They all take a few classes to get used to it”, other parents said to me. But in their minds, I could hear them thinking, “This is more than a few classes, thank God we didn’t have to this problem”.
“At least she’s not crying”, I console myself. “That’s improving, right?” I remember the first class. She joined in the warm-up exercises and showed off her jumping jacks but When it came to karate moves, my daughter was in tears. Or was that the second class? Then we had a class where there were only two kids in class. She seemed to have a lot of fun in that one. Then another class where nobody else showed up. She got some one-on-one time and and actually moved her lips as the sensei chanted the Japanese numbers.
After that I thought we were on an improvement trend. But at the next class, she stays rooted to one spot, feet planted firmly and one finger checking out her teeth while others respond to the sensei’s instructions. “At least she’s not crying”, I console myself again. In fact, last week, she looked happy. She had developed a magnetic attraction for the pillar in the center of the dojo and appeared to be playing “hide” without the “seek” from the rest of the class. It took a lot of self restraint for me to keep from yanking her from the pillar and giving her a good shake. At least, that was what I imagined doing but was busy holding onto a wiggling Baby Brother and listening to another mother telling me to “give her time, they all go through that”.
“Are you being shy”, the sensei asked her. She peeked out from behind the pillar to nod her head and ducked right back. She told me after the class, “I was just being shy today, mommy”. I was too upset to respond.
How do you deal with a child that’s just unwilling to try something because she doesn’t think she’s good at it? How do you convince her that she needs to PRACTICE before she gets good? Do I praise her efforts in watching the class, “yay! you’re the best watcher”, “yay, you didn’t cry”, or do I give her marching orders? I’m upset especially because I know what she’s thinking…it’s what I would have been thinking at her age. So I wanted to yell at her, take away TV or something else of value unless she takes part in the class. But I knew that tact may fail (even worsen the situation), so I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal. I reminded her of the times she participated.
I told her how good she was at the things she had participated in. I pointed out how much fun the others were having. I commented on the kid who couldn’t do the sommersault but rolled over on her side instead. I even pointed out how Baby Brother would never have learned how to walk if he hadn’t kept practicing and we laughed at how often he fell. She reminded me that she did the same thing too as a baby.
This week, I was relieved to see a remarkable change. She was ready to participate. She participated. She still did not chant in Japanese like the others, but she joined in the karate moves. As the class did their front kicks while moving across the room, she fell behind the others because when she kicked, she brought the kicking foot back to the same origination point. I could see that she looked confused. She wondered how the others were moving while she stayed in one place. But she persisted. I was so proud of her. I felt so proud. And I hoped she noticed me as I gave her a thumbs up and a huge smile. This is not about karate, but about the willingness to try the unfamiliar. And we’re doing it…yay!!!
