It’s okay to yell
Hubby and I decided to enroll Darling Angel in Karate class because we believe she needs the confidence building benefits of the martial arts program. Basically, we felt we needed to do something to ’shake off this behavior’. ‘This behavior’ is marked by whining, speaking in low tones when she needs to speak up and then crying when she isn’t heard.
Last week I told her that she would be going to Karate class. “My friend goes to Karate mommy, but I want to go to ballet”. I wasn’t surprised - she’s a girlie girl.
I told her Karate was it and that it would be fun. “But I don’t want to be hitting anybody” she said looking alarmed. I reassured her that there would be no hitting anybody and demonstrated how she would punch in the air while I yelled “Hoo!”. She smiled and seemed interested but she corrected me. “In Karate, they don’t say ‘hoo’, they say ‘hiya!’.” I agreed, and we looked forward to the first class.
We got there early. I had picked Darling Angel and Baby Brother from the daycare and we headed to the dojo, with a stopover at Macdonalds. We filled forms. We were getting two free trial classes and she wore her play clothes. Other kids arrived wearing their Karate outfits or at least, a white tshirt over the Karate pants. One mom carried in her sleeping child and tried to rouse him for the class. Darling Angel was excited to have new friends to play with.
The sensei kicked off the class of nine kids with a bow and asked each kid to recite their numbers. The numbers were in Japanese or perhaps Korean (I need to find out). Each child shouted out the numbers. The new kids were asked to do one to ten. Two other kids shouted one to ten. Darling Angel, when it was her turn, stuck her little finger in her mouth, looked at her toes and whispered her numbers.
Parents sat in the back of the class and looked on at their little martial artists. Baby Brother watched with keen interest. They did some warmup exercises and Darling Angel appeared to be having fun.
They moved on to punches and kicks and blocking moves, with each move accompanies by a yell. Darling Angel started to cry. They had a water break. I rushed over to her side to find out what the problem was. She wasn’t quite sure. “I want to sit down”, she said. I told her she was free to sit on the floor or take a break whenever she wanted. “But I don’t want to be yelling”.
I began to think there’d be no Karate for us. But as I thought it, I realized that the behavior she was exhiting is exactly why she needs the class. We’ll stick it out.
The class continued. They did a circuit course and the kids seemed to be having a lot of fun hitting bags with their noodle sticks as they ran around the course. My daughter walked and gently touched the bags with her stick. She stops by my seat and I ask her if she’d like to come to the class again. The moment I asked the question, I regretted it because I thought I knew what her answer would be. But she surprised me with a “Yes”.
They formed two teams and had a relay race rolling a ball from one end of the dojo and back. First time around, my daughter rolled the ball. Midway, she seemed to realize it was a race. Second time around when she was handed the ball, she began to bawl “but I’m not winning” and refused to take her turn.
The class ended and each kid received a tiny bucket of skittles. The sensei praised her efforts on her first day and I told her how well she rolled the ball.
At the end of the class, I realized exactly what I want her to get from Karate.
- Speaking up and yelling when she needs to
- Ability to follow directions without excessive handholding
- Some competitive drive tempered with good sportsmanship
We have since returned for our second class. She excitedly told her dad when she got home sporting her new Karate outfit, “Daddy, I did not cry”. She did not. There were only two kids in the class and she got more coaching on the moves. She also practiced some yelling - it took several tries for the sensei to hear her. As she works on her yelling one decibel at a time, I wonder if I’ll be worrying in future about her yelling too much.
