Womze - Cross Cultural Parenting

When I got pregnant with my first child, my sleep pattern changed.  I started to sleep a lot more and could no longer depend on my trusty 6 hour biological clock to wake me up.  6 hours of sleep was no longer enough.  Then the child came along with the expected sleeplessness…breastfeeding through the night.  But even after that stage passed, I was still often tired.  What with working a full time job and being a mommy.  Not just to kid #1 but to kid #2 as well.  Tiredness was a given.  But was it?  Really?

I no longer think so.  And I don’t know how many other moms think so.  I have assumed for the past 6+ years that I am supposed to be tired after a full day at work.  But all along, it seems the problem was that I wasn’t paying the proper attention to my diet.  It seems to simple and I don’t know if it really is that simple.  I have tried over the years to exercise, to eat good food, to not overeat, take supplements etc.  And I’ve had my ups and downs with energy.

Last week I mentally evaluated my diet and it was glaring that fruits and veggies were absent (mostly).  I do like fruits and eat mostly those than do not require preparations (washing and peeling) like apples and bananas.  But veggies…very absent.  So I headed to the grocery store, determined to change things and hoping I would feel a difference in my energy levels.

I stocked up on more bananas, cantaloupes, watermelons, cherries, spinach, lettuce and carrot.  And sunflower seeds, pecan nuts and whole grain crackers for office desk drawer.  I washed, peeled and cut up any fruits requiring such preparations.  I reduced my rice portion for lunch and work and included a bowl of fruit.  Spinach salad for snack.

And by day 2, I was feeling “wow! is this feeling for real?”.  I didn’t want to write about it too early.  But it’s been over a week and the feeling still persists.  Still fully awake and alert in the evening and ready to take on stuff.  And that’s what I’ve done all week.  Gardening, cleaning, scrubbing, rearranging, buying and assembling new furniture.  It’s like I’m afraid the feeling won’t last and I’m trying to get as much done while I can.  But now, I intend to hold on to this feeling. 

Problem is, I do not know for sure, which of the foods I’m eating is providing the energy.  Perhaps it is the combination.  Perhaps it is the sunflower seeds.  I read that it’s a great source of magnesium which is needed for energy production.  And so is spinach.  (Remember Popeye).

And the 6 hour sleep cycle…it’s back.  And I have to learn to readjust back to it by staying up later because if I sleep early as I usually try to do, I end up waking up in the middle of the night.  So now I can spend my nights catching up on all my reading.

Thought I would surprise Hubby when he gets back from his trip.  Thought I would have dug out the flowers we don’t like and replaced them with some that we do.  So I got to work this evening.  Darling Angel and Baby Brother were fitted with their Dora and Diego (respectively) gardening gloves.  I planned to take some cute pictures of them supposedly hard at work.  But the work turned out to be really hard.  And the kids just got in the way.  I’m using all my willpower to move my fingers right now…they’re falling asleep.  The good news is that I did dig out one Iris plant (where we planted it is not suited for the wild grass look) and replaced it with something more flowery and colorful.  I’m proud of myself, but I will wait for Hubby before embarking on digging out any other plants with deep rooted roots.

My fingers are tired, but my eyes and brain are awake…sounds like prime time for reading (rare!).

The more I think about energy (or the lack of it), the more I realize how destructive it could be is.  Lack of energy robs me of my long-term goals if I I’m not able to work on them.  Lack of energy has denied me of loads of knowledge (books I have not read).  But worse still, lack of energy robs my children of the proper attention they should be getting.  That is the most destructive aspect of this energy quandary.  And worse yet, lack of energy prevents one from even realizing what is happening.

Fortunately, I now do.  This is not the first time I will focus on how to sustain my energy.   But this is the first time I’m viewing it in such a destructive light.  So I’m more motivated to see actual results…sleeping it off is not good enough. 

My first point of focus is food…a change to my diet.  If that doesn’t work, I guess I should book myself an appointment with my doctor because I already exercise.  But I know there’s a huge opportunity to improve my diet.  Typical Nigerian diet, heavy in carbs even with smaller portions, there’s plenty of room for improvement.  I’ve made an effort to increase fruits over the past week.  That’s easy because I like fruits.  I just need to put in a little effort to buy them and prepare them…chopped cantaloupes and watermelons make very nice snacks (if they are already chopped).   But I’m still lacking in veggies.  And my standard lunch of jollof rice and chicken (even with reduced portions) still left me feeling heavy.  So, tomorrow, I intend to reduce portions even further and eat lots of good snacks instead.  And to make sure I do, I already packed my lunch and snacks - a small bowl of rice & chicken,   a bowl of spinach leaves and carrots (just trying to get some veggies in), a bowl of chopped cantaloupes, a banana.  I also stopped at the grocery store to stock up on healthy non-perishables for my desk drawer - almonds, sunflower seeds, whole grain crackers and peanut butter granola bars.  These are supposed to eliminate my dash to the vending machine to get chocolate chip cookies.  But to make this work, I will also need to reinitiate my food journal, writing everything I eat, otherwise, I will end up fattening up on all the healthy junk in my desk drawer.

1. Maths - just because my cousin has his son going to Kumon, I thought we’d check it out as well.  So I had my daughter who’s going into 2nd grade go in for a placement test.  And I was disappointed with the result.  She gets her maths but she’s slow in computation.  I recall that we did not any time doing the weekly flash cards that her 1st grade teacher adviced us to do through the year…again, because she seemed to be doing fine without any aids.  I was wrong.  She needs help.
   The question is, do I pay for her to go to a math program or do we practice at home?  Oh, and I am very capable with my mathematics.  As I sat through the Kumon presentation while my daughter was being evaluated, I couldn’t help realizing that it sounded somewhat like the daily math drills my mom used to put me through.  (Big difference…she depended more on the stick than the carrot.)
   If I choose to do this at home, I must become super-structured about it.  Everyone in the house must know when it’s time for math drills.  I’m figuring out our plan and how to measure success and how to reward success…before we reconsider adding another weekly outside-the-home activity to our roster.
2. Energy - how do I maintain enough energy after work to get through my swim lesson?  I headed to my last lesson reluctantly, hoping for a reason to cancel like the previously week.  Fortunately, there was none.  So into the water I went and I was making progress…for the first 15 minutes, after which my energy was all spent.  And downhill I went from there.  So I’ve got to solve my energy crisis.  First, I’m focusing on what I eat…and have stocked up on fruits.  Haven’t had time to cook vegetables.  Should be googling “foods that provide energy, lots of it”. 
   I’ll also be needing this energy to sustain math drills.
3. Energy - all the stuff I want to write about (and do) when I have energy.

Despite my best intentions to write a post everyday, it is sometimes just impossible.  Like yesterday when I went to bed totally exhausted and woke up in my 2 year old son’s bed.

I marched back to my room to demand an explanation from Hubby.  (Like he could carry me from one bed to another room so effortlessly that I stay asleep.  ha.)  He told me Baby Brother cried out sometime in the night and I got out of bed.  But I have no memory of this.  Takes me back to when I was trying to wean Darling Angel of breastfeeding but always woke up and found myself breastfeeding.  Is that sleepwalking?

Today I’m still tired, but not as tired as yesterday.  I need a formula for sustaining a high energy level all through the day as opposed to my pre-dinner time energy crash.  Diet and water could do with some improvements…I guess those should be the first items I tackle.

Discipline involves a level of self-deprivation.  But feelings of deprivation also tend to thwart the goal of the discipline if it is not addressed.  So how do you teach a child discipline without making the child feel deprived?

I had a conversation with my 6 and a half year old daughter this evening which left me surprised…shocked that she was feeling Wii-deprived.  (She didn’t use that word.)  I had bought a wii console last December and expected that I would have to lay down rules regarding when and for how long the wii can be played.  I bought it because I thought I wanted a wii fit, and I also believed that buying it would help prevent feelings of deprivation.  (It seems everyone we visit has one and my daughter begs and pleads to be allowed to play with it.)

So I got one and I planned to lay down the rules.  However, the opportunity never came as my daughter seemed to prefer reading or watching TV (mostly watching TV) to playing the Wii.  I was happy so Hubby and I only had to spend our energies limiting TV, not TV and gaming.

So we were chatting this evening.  And I expressed how proud I was that she wasn’t always playing the game and in fact does not touch the Wii for weeks on end.  (Once I had to ask if it was still working.  “Did it break?  Are you hiding the fact that it’s broken?”)  For a fleeting moment, she looked proud, then she hung her head and confessed.

“Actually, I would like to play it more, but I’m afraid you and daddy will say go and read a book.  So I read instead.”

That’s certainly not a bad thing.  But then, we were discussing the appropriate behavior when she goes to a neighbor’s home daycare.  I didn’t want her to spend all her time playing games while the little kids napped.  I wanted her to read a book instead.  But she wants to play games then because she’s not allowed to at home.

I had to explain that she is allowed to play games.  And she can certainly play games at home.  But it must not stop her from doing the important things that actually make her smart.

“Can I play now?”, she asked in excitement.

“Yes.”  While I figure out how much and how often is good enough.

Looking forward to fun barbecues and just fun.  And back to work on Monday.  Why didn’t I think of taking the day off???

Well, HAPPY JULY 4.

After yesterday’s comment from my brother-in-law regarding Baby Brother’s diaper, Hubby stayed up all night (or so he tells me) thinking about it.  And this morning, he passed the Law.  “From today on, the boy shall wear underpants.  No more diapers!”

“Really?” I asked.  I explained how it wasn’t that easy and how much frustration I already felt.  But Hubby was confident.  “It will work”, he reassured me. 

“But you do the peepee mopping”, I negotiated.  He agreed.

So, I went out and bought big boy underpants.  I do want this to work.  But I remain skeptical.

Nothing to report yet.  Baby Brother is still not volunteering to go potty.  He likes his big boy underpants.  He peed in one.  We gave him another.  Then it was bedtime.  Back to diapers.  Here, I insisted.  Tomorrow, we shall try again.

Potty training has lost all its allure for me and I’ve resigned to life with diapers, confident that one day, Baby Brother will tell me, “Mommy, I don’t need diapers anymore.”  Of course, this happens before it is too late, I mean, before I am embarrassed that he’s wearing diapers. 

He has not uttered those words but I am beginning to wonder when to start putting the pressure on.  Three years old?  Three and half, four?  When?  Or now???

Last Sunday in church, I took Baby Brother into the bathroom to change his diaper.  Some women from the almost all-Nigerian congregation saw me changing his diaper.  “He still wears diapers?”, one quizzed.  She looked puzzled.

“Yes”, I nodded.

Lady #2 gave her a reassuring look.  “I’m sure it’s just for outings.  I bet he doesn’t wear diapers at home.”

“He does”, I said defiantly.

Lady #2 says, “Nooo, you’re kidding.”

“24/7″, I respond.

I felt no shame.  The boy has defied all potty training attempts and I either accept that or get frustrated.  I’m comfortable with my choice…zero frustration.

But I got home and wondered, is it time to try again?

Then this evening, hubby shared a conversation he had with his brother in Nigeria.  He was telling his brother how proud he was of his Darling Angel.  She got her brother ready for bedtime last weekend and even changed his wet diaper.  (I could barely believe she did that too.)

Brother-in-law was shocked and asked incredulously, “He still wears diapers?!”

My car is a mess.  It’s been a mess for a long time.  Inside the car, I mean.  Food crumbs from cookies and chips, sticky residue from candy, stains from liquid spills…you get the idea.  And you don’t want to lift up the car seats!

How do other moms keep their cars clean?  When anyone at work suggests riding in my car, say if we’re going out to lunch, I quickly throw out the mom-mobile excuse.  I’m ashamed of the inside of my car. 

My cousin told me she knows a mom who’s car is sparkling clean.  This mom forbids the consumption of any food item in the car.  What a great idea!  “I bet she’s not a working mom”, I told my cousin.  And in this case, I was right.

Two days ago, hubby decides to give my car a thorough cleaning.  Don’t get the wrong idea, I do try to clean inside my car.  I pick up fries from the floor, I mop up spills, I dust off crumbs, I shake the footmats just before we rush indoors to get ready for bedtime.  Ocassionally, I run a hand vacuum through the car.  And once last summer, I even shampooed all the seats and eliminated all the ‘beneath the car seat uglies’.  But when hubby told me he was giving my car a thorough cleanining, he really meant thorough.

Almost an hour into his routine, he summoned me.  “See these”, he pointed out the foot mats.  “I’m going to thrash them.  These are bad, they’re not worth the effort to clean them.  Get new ones at Walmart.”

“OK”, I said shame-facedly.  Could it be that my car was really that dirty.

Apparently, it was.  Because when hubby was done, it felt new and different.  I had never cleaned it nearly so well.  Thank you Hubby!!!

“See what daddy did!”, I gestured at the seats and floor as the kids settled into their car seats.  “We have to keep it clean, so no eating in the car.” 

“OK”, both 6 and 2 year old responded.

One day went by with no eating in the car.  Yesterday, I grabbed them from childcare as we rushed off to swim class.  “Mommy, we’re hungry, we need a snack.” they both wailed.

Hungry kids OR dirty car.  Which is the worse evil?  I weighed my options and dirty car won.  But I swore to myself that it would be a temporary defeat.  When we got back home, I made sure to pick up the crumbs.  But I must have been tired, because today, I still saw crumbs.  I zapped those with the hand vacuum, but I can’t help feeling that this is a losing battle.  Any tips?